Asher: We’re back with tonight’s guest, the unmistakable and always enigmatic Batman.
Asher: So… what’s the deal with this whole bat thing. Why not Aardvark Man or Gopher Man or Koala Man? Why bats, specifically?
Batman: I… you’re making fun of me.
Asher: No, no, I’m not. I seriously don’t… well, you know I’m just curious what makes you pick one animal over another.
Batman: Well, a Koala doesn’t exactly strike fear in the hearts of evil men. And what did you say, an aardvark? I don’t think they fly or anything, do they?
Asher: Yes, but technically, and no offense intended, really, but you don’t fly either, do you? I mean, what you do is not really flying, right?
Batman: Well, if you’re going to be technical… I mean, I use tools and devices and superior athletic skills to achieve simulated flight…
Asher: Yes, but you don’t fly. I mean, not to be argumentative, but I mean it’s not like when Superman or Hawkman flies, right? They actually fly, but you more or less leap or glide, wouldn’t you say?
Batman: I don’t think it’s that important whether I fly or not, I mean the point is not flying, it’s crime fighting. That’s what I do, and flying is just one tool, or technology.
Asher: But I mean, it’s more like Green Arrow – he shoots a suction cup arrow to the top of a building, and he’s a really good shot, and he’s got superior um… sticky technology, but then he basically scales the side of the building with a rope. And that’s all well and good, but then he doesn’t call himself Green Parakeet or anything, but you’re Batman, and then there’s Robin, and the bird analogies just go on… you know what I’m getting at here?
Batman: Well, Green Arrow… I mean, you seem to be suggesting that if I don’t fly – I mean not with natural wings or something, that somehow I’m less of a superhero.
Asher: No, no, I’m not saying that at all. I’m not saying Green Arrow is less of a superhero. No, I have the greatest respect for what you do. And Robin, for that matter.
Batman: Let’s not go there.
Asher: All right, sure, I understand. But, well change the subject, how are things with you and Catwoman? I mean, you hear things, but is there anything there?
Batman: Well, I tell you the tabloids and the papperazi just blow everything out of proportion. I mean, they corner you coming out of someone’s lair…
Asher: I understand you… sort of let one of them have it… um, knocked him down and took his camera away, and so on.
Batman: Well, you know you’ve got to have limits, it’s just not something you can tolerate.
Asher: But I mean you’re supposed to fight crime, do you worry that you could be charged… I mean, you know with a crime?
Batman: No, well I have a good relationship with the commissioner, and you know I seriously doubt – I mean would you seriously want to tie up someone who makes such a contribution – tie that person up in court and…
Asher: Well, there’s OJ.
Batman: That’s true, that’s true. But he carried a gun into a hotel room. I don’t even carry a gun.
Asher: Well, now to be fair, you used to carry a gun, you and Robin both did, back in the seventies. I remember seeing you on TV, and well you had guns, just like the Lone Ranger.
Batman: The Lone Ranger… I don’t even see how you could compare us with that… with him. I mean, I’ve always treated my sidekick with the greatest of respect…
Batman: Yes. I guess I brought that up.
Asher: Well, we don’t have to talk about that. Listen, Batman, you’ve been a good sport, and fielded the really tough questions, it’s always a pleasure to have you, and I know it’s a real treat for the audience. Just one more question, I know it’s been on the minds of your fans…
Batman: You want to know if I’m going to make another film.
Asher: Well, no. No, but that’s a good question. I’ll tell you what I was going to ask, and then, if you don’t mind, perhaps before the break – um, we’ve got 2 minutes to commercial – perhaps you could squeeze in an answer to both questions.
Batman: Go ahead.
Asher: Sure, the question on everyone’s mind, I think is, given the dissatisfaction with the available candidates in the current presidential race, and certainly your record of tough positions on crime and other issues, is there any chance you’ll run?
Batman: No chance at all.
Batman: No chance at all – I’m content to work on these issues from behind the scenes, I mean I really feel my crimefighter role has expanded with terrorism, illegal immigration… But, uh… you’ll be hearing from me.
Asher: Hearing from you? Come on now, it’s national media, you can’t just leave it like that.
Batman: Well, I just mean my latest publishing endeavor. I think my book coming out about the unknown side of Enron will really make a splash. I name names.
Asher: Names… yes, well of course… well, and we’ve just got thirty seconds, what about another film?
Batman: I’m exploring a lot of options. I’m not opposed to making another film.
Asher: Not with Robin.
Batman: No, if a director wanted to work with just me, that’d be fine, or any number of my colleagues, I could work with…
Batman: You’re always in there after that story, aren’t you?
Asher: That’s what it’s all about Batman. Thank you, it’s always a true pleasure to have you on the show.
Asher: Ladies and gentlemen, Batman!