A new industry has sprung up almost instantly in Pakistan, as Raymond Davis, who shot two Pakistanis in the back and paid two million dollar for forgiveness, is finally flown off to London. A spokesman for the Jang Group, a Pakistani print media outlet that owns a majority of the newspapers in the country, said its offices are being inundated with classified ad placements offering forgiveness for extremely modest sums to anyone caught shooting various mothers in law. The representative stressed, “You cannot place such an ad here. It is not welcome. If you want to forgive someone for killing your mother in law, you must offer to do it at the classified ads counter of your local paper. This is just the corporate office and, besides, the amounts being mentioned are embarrasingly low.”
US government economists say the Davis case is disturbing but welcome what’s happening in the Pakistani papers, because the US can’t afford to pay a million apiece for the civilians it continues to shoot in the back and from the air in Iraq and Afghanistan. One source is quoted as saying, “There would have to be some kind of bidding, or auction type environment, like a murder forgiveness Ebay, to bring these forgivenesses down to a manageable fee per person – you know, like auctioning off contracts in Call of Duty.” On the other hand, the case is welcome news to organized crime figures, who find themselves suddenly in favor of instituting Islamic law, because, in the words of one source, “If we’re caught, we get out of jail just by giving back the fee. Who knew?”