Now Showing – Feb. 2010

Legion We’re still desperately reaching for something from the Bible to scare you. This is all we had left. Collateral damage from an angelic driveby. The Book of Eli We long ago reached the limit of our imagination for post-apocalyptic adventure. So we combined it with… the Bible! We were out of ideas there, too.
Valentine’s Day A big-screen Hallmark card, because when you’re this shallow, you need us to script the relationship. A film that’s destined to be on TV next February, after we’ve sold all the DVDs we ever will. Tooth Fairy Because every action hero must be made to look ridiculous in at least one film, juxtaposed with children. And the last time we did it with the Rock, not enough of you could bear to watch.
Sherlock Holmes With martial arts from Brotherhood of the Wolf, we decided to make Sherlie less cerebral, and more dope and depression driven. We just can’t leave any classic unscathed. Dear John Well, if one of these sappy romances made money, let’s lower the age and sophistication of the lovers to that of the Twilight films, and see if we can sell a lot more. Next Winter, we’ll actually use pre-teens.
The Crazies We’ve used every excuse for people to start chasing and eating you – viruses, more viruses, alien viruses. So we’ll just skip the reasons, and the humans “go crazy”. The Wolfman We long ago ran out of any good ideas for horror. And we pillaged all the Japanese and Korean films we could manage – like the Ring. Besides, we remake every film in the current generation’s image. Dumber, more violent, and even more hoky.

Some of you will say I’ve been too hard on these films. As punishment, I think you should have to watch them. So, get busy. You’ve got a lot of crying to do. Or at least, my eyes are tearing up just thinking about it.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

I watched the 2-DVD set of “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back” this weekend. What I found most disappointing is that Kevin Smith was basically shaken down by GLADD. They clearly used him for publicity and strong-armed him into paying money. There’s nothing anti-gay about his films. Look at “Chasing Amy”. If any film ever made homosexuality mainstream, that was it. And he shouldn’t have caved. But that’s how films are made in the US. They have to pass GLADD, or they’ll call you a homophobe in public until you pay up. Then, after he made the donation, they acted as if it were an admission of guilt. Basically, they used it to say, ‘This is what one gets for offending GLADD’ and ‘See how GLADD can raise money for gay foundations by targeting even those who’ve demonstrably endorced homosexuality.” It was great publicity for them. I remember explaining how studios are held hostage this way to an associate back in the eighties, and he called me a liar, and suggested that even if I were right, making a point of it wasn’t the right attitude. You remember the eighties. People were scrambling to be intellectually fashionable, or at least above persecution, by choosing which facts to pay attention to. But all such duplicity creates an atmosphere of social, ideological, and economic extortion that is supposedly better than the simple freedom of speech. The film wasn’t even a pimple on “Chasing Amy”, but it was made sordid by the thirty pieces of silver.

Children of Dune

Frank Herbert's Children of Dune
Image via Wikipedia

Children of Dune (British miniseries) was a lot more fun than the two Dune films. Also Neverwhere (British miniseries) was a lot of fun. de Cabaras was especially well performed. Most fun I’ve had at the movies since Fellowship of the Ring.

Possession

Cover of "Possession"
Cover of Possession

Possession combines two elements that were meant to go together: the difficult pursuit of knowledge, and passionate romantic love. The lives of Victorian and twentieth century lovers run in parallel in this story; one wishes there were as much passion in the latter as in the former, but then you’ve got a passionless Aaron Eckhart as a “brush and flush kinda guy” – the male role. And Gwyneth Paltrow’s treatment of the ideologically inhibited gender studies professor is… well… inhibited. She smiles a couple of times but, for the most part, she just lies there, so to speak. I think the film would’ve been better had the entire thing been a period piece. Still, while the dialogue was wonderful, and the Victorian storyline suitably heart-rending (lovers caught by their promises and society), there just didn’t seem to be much acting. Most of lovely Jennifer Ehle’s work seems to have amounted to smiling in a composed worldly-for-the-time miss nothing kind of way. These were characters in costumes reading parts. It’s hard not to recommend the film, though; the dialogue and the plot were enough that I’d see it again despite its shortcomings.

Brotherhood of the Wolf

Brotherhood of the Wolf is a veritable party tray of a film. Director/co-writer Christophe Gans has put together an action/horror/thriller/period piece/mystery/martial arts flick that literally has something for everyone.

A lifelong film fan, Gans was involved in several fan publications in France. He has taken bits from nearly every type of film and placed them within the context of his story so that the seams don’t show. A technical achievement in the success of the blending, even if the story peters out before the end.

Catch Me if You Can

Catch Me if You Can is about one of the cleverest check forgers ever, Frank Abagnale (here’s his personal web site abagnale.com. I’m not a fan of cons turned cops, but most of this film is about Abagnale’s adventurous youth, so it’s interesting. Of course the filmmakers knew that we’d be more interested in the con than the consulting he does now. Tom Hank’s role reminded me of his role in Road to Perdition, except of course he was a nerdy, loner, of an FBI agent. DeCaprio’s role somehow reminded me of Matt Damon’s in The Talented Mr. Ripley, but without the homicidal madness. One likes this character better. Catch Me if You Can is a contemporary The Pursuit of D.B. Cooper in attitude. It romanticizes the outlaw, even if he does get caught in this one, and leaves a fair amount of anti-establishment flavor to savor (especially at a time when media is full of silly cop shows like America’s Most Wanted tell us criminals are “crazy” for running afoul of the law. I liked this flick. It’d be more fun with a French edge, and one could argue it’s kind of made-for-TV, but I liked Abagnale’s character enough that I stayed through it.