Anarcast #8: Attack on Google & Internet Freedom

The Playful Anarchist podcast, with Asher Black (Anarcast #8, AsherCast #8).

Topic: the Italian courts jailing Google executives for not pulling an offensive video from Youtube more quickly. Asher argues that the method by which governments are progressively regulating the internet is by exposing free speech providers to massive litigation or criminal charges, so that they have to restrict speech on the governments’ behalf (the Napster protocol). Asher makes the case that this effectively insulates governments and their incestuous pacts with corporations from criticism – by appeal to a right to privacy. Asher makes the point that the supposed “right to privacy” that upheld Roe vs. Wade in the US offers a similar justification of internet restrictions in the United States, and that the “liberals” who made that “pact with the devil” will be responsible, ironically, for the restrictions of free speech (including their own) that are the outcome.

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Music: by Stellamara (Immrama) on the Magnatune label. Opinions: solely those of Asher Black.

Anarcast #6: Auras, Energies, Good Vibrations

The Playful Anarchist podcast, with Asher Black (Anarcast #6, AsherCast #6). Yielding your personal moral and intellectual sovereignty takes many forms. Asher talks about how adopting a belief in ‘new age’ auras, energies, and vibrations turns otherwise effective intellects into merely receptive tools. Music by Ehren Starks (The Tale of Room 620) and Jan Hanford (Prelude No. 14 in D Minor), both on the Magnatune label. Opinions: solely those of Asher Black. Trying some editing (removing pauses and silences, etc.), trailing music.

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Anarcast #5: The Edge of Burlington

The Playful Anarchist podcast, with Asher Black (Anarcast #5, AsherCast #5). Asher talks about the Mel Gibson film Edge of Darkness and the shoe section at Burlington Coat Factory (an anarchy of fashion). Music by Paul Berget (Recercar) on the Magnatune Label. Opinions: solely those of Asher Black. Trying some editing (removal of pauses and silences, lead and trailing music).

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Anarcast #4: Issues and Art

The Playful Anarchist podcast, with Asher Black (Anarcast #4, AsherCast #4). Better audio quality. Late night. An anarchist will acknowledge that everything is political, which is why turning it into something with a life of its own makes little sense. Talking about politics, social issues, and art, as well as health claims in TV commercials. Music is by Fernwood – “Music played by hand on instruments made of wood”. Song is called “Sandpiper”. It’s on the Magnatune label.

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Anarcast #3: Sarah Palin

The Playful Anarchist podcast, with Asher Black (Anarcast #3, AsherCast #3). Warning: audio quality is low. Which is better – the absence of government or the absence of thought in government? Discussing Sarah Palin at National Tea Party Convention in the US, the Politics of Obstruction utilized by Republicans in 2009-2010, and International Adoption as human trafficking. Music: Aeon by Adam Fielding, Magnatune label. Opinions: solely those of Asher Black.

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Anarcast #2: Jeremy Saw Monsters

The Playful Anarchist podcast, with Asher Black (Anarcast #2, AsherCast #2). One form of playful anarchy is doing something non-political or that precludes the artificiality of political speech, such as replacing it with truth in the form of fiction. Reading of original fiction by Asher Black. Story is copyright 2009 by Asher Black.

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Anarcast #1: To Hell with the RIAA

The Playful Anarchist podcast, with Asher Black (Anarcast #1, AsherCast #1). When you can’t go along, you go around. – Asher Black. Music: by Beth Quist on the Magnatune label. Opinions: solely those of Asher Black.

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The Slams

The Slams by Asher Black

The yellow sign lit the distance from the alley, buzzing with reassuring warmth. It was a pretty thing, solid as a superhero’s emblem, inviting as ketchup drizzled fries. I wrapped my arms close, cursing inwardly that I hadn’t brought a jacket this trip. The alien at the register went through the time-honored ritual: How many? Smoking or non? (I waved my pipe), a silverwear roll, a laminated menu, Your waitress is Rhonda. She’ll be right with you. It was the missionary church of 24-hour table service, the saintly soup-kitchen of insomnia, and Communion was served up in a steaming stonewear mug with a pile of little creamers. Offeratory to follow in the form of a solemn thermal-printed ticket, when I intoned “just coffee”.

I sat picking out constellations in the little brown flecks on the mug, a satisfying cloud of smoke curling around my beard, and haloing my head in a funnel formation. The regulars would start oozing in, little by little, over the next hour. The time is different at each diner. A well-guarded secret, though it’s always at night. I checked my watch, looked at the numerals on the inside of the matchbook as I lit another pipe, tore off the cover, and set it flaming in the ash tray. Notes from other people’s conversations are best not left lying around. I looked out the window at the yellow sign. Always the same diner, though, regardless of the city.

Rhonda refilled my coffee. Middle-aged, stout, glasses, still-blonde hair held back with a knit scrunchy. Black apron tucked under the bulge of her belly. Full of straws. Human, this one. There’s no particular way to tell. Once you get used to the idea of them – the aliens, I mean – you just start to know the difference.

The clientelle are the easiest to spot, of course. Six nights out of seven they show up… which six, again, a ‘well-guarded secret’… How hard is that? The secret was how they talk. I was hoping I had a winning night when Benny sat down at the counter. I knew his name because everyone else did. “Hi, Benny.” Rhonda didn’t bother with a menu. Benny had coffee, no cream, a clean ashtray and a cracker caddy. He looked kind of like Popeye would without a recent haircut or shave. Benny dumped out a foil bag of shag tobacco onto the counter and rolled a cigarette from it, licking it sloppily. Definitely not of this Earth.

I watched Benny through the smoke, under the glare of unfiltered lights, over my third refill, careful not to let him catch me looking. If we locked eyes, he would wonder how a Normal (as they call us) knew how to make conversation. The aliens can speak with their eyes, and I tend to blubber in any language. Even if I wanted to talk, I’ve only practiced in the mirrors of bathrooms and the rearview of the Chevy. Still not quite used to the listening part, either. It’s particularly difficult when they’re speaking in both ways at once… words and eyes, always on two different subjects. I need about a pot of coffee in me just to keep up.

Sure enough, over the next hour, the smoking section filled up with ‘them’. Normals would finish their meals, pay their checks, and the booth would be occupied by an entirely different kind of customer. Slams. That’s what they call themselves in eyespeak. Normals and Slams. Life is pretty much divided in two for me these days. I quit school, gave up my shitty job, moved into my ’54 woodside station wagon, and started visiting these diners, one town after another. Left the car down the street. I don’t want to risk it being recognized, now that I know they travel.

“Yes please.” Rhonda poured me another cup. I reached into my college knapsack, found and propped Chomsky up on the table, covering my observation in the usual way, by pretending to read.

On the surface, they’re a diverse bunch. A scattering of long hair, short hair, wavy hair, some with pimples, some without, anything from  jeans and an Andy Griffith shirt to all black clothing and tattooes to body piercings and neon-dyed hair. But they are all interested in the same things. The Slams like anything with monsters, especially books and games. The more outrageous, the better. Card games with dragons and wizards, role playing games with vampires, serials by RA Salvatore… the otherworldly is their playground.

They are also addicted to coffee. This is what keeps them here. Or so I gather. Some time back, a Western farmer spotted a weather balloon falling from the sky. Or so he was later convinced. A search of the surrounding countryside produced nothing. No one payed any attention to the stranger at the counter of a certain diner in the nearest town. Out of towners always stopped there, at any hour, looking like anything, delirious from the road. He ordered a cup of coffee, picked up a forgotten fantasy novella left by a teenager who’d been rushed into the family motor home and back out onto the interstate, and the skies have been busy ever since.

The smoking section was brim full, smoking like a chimney, and louder than a factory floor.

“I’m telling you, Sabbat rules! If you’re going to be undead, it’s worth it to go Sabbat.”

“Dude, listen, the third book in the Beltherium trilogy totally blows away the Asmodium trilogy.”

“To Hell with your energy attack. You smoke this card, and you eat your energy attack!”

This banter was nothing compared to the eyespeak. I felt like socking the Slam at the booth across from mine. Short red curly hair, a tatoo, big lips, and two cases of cards in front of him. He was being an ass and using the foulest language in a public place, eyespeak or not. He was asking to get bruised. I pretended to read my book.

“What are you doing?” The waitress heard nothing, except for some boisterous chatter about a 13th level mage. She finished pouring my sixth cup of coffee and went off to start another pot. The Slams kept the brewing constant, except for one or two that were experimenting with Dr. Pepper and pretending to like it. Pretentious dilettantes. “I said, what are you doing?”

I tried looking at my ashtray, but the entire booth had turned and were staring at me. I looked up.

“You know I’m talking to you. I saw you reading our eyes. Now answer me, Normal!”

“I… uh…” Then I realized I was eye babbling. I shut up then. Stupid. I’m so stupid.

“Well?” This time it was the girl, not the foul-mouth. Slightly purple hair, pierced lip, black choker. “I think you’d better tell us how you learned to do that.”

I started to speak aloud. “I just sort of picked it up–”

“Eyespeak, moron.” It was Foulmouth, again.

I couldn’t think about socking him, now. I felt like a cornered animal. You know that movie… you’re having a drink in a bar and at midnight everyone turns into a bloodthirsty vampire, and they’re all looking at you as dinner? Like that. I shrugged. “I dunno. Back home I used read a lot at night, for school, and drink a lot of coffee to keep me awake…”

They all kind of “Mm”-ed in understanding. That’s when I realized that despite the ongoing talk of warlocks and demons, all eyes in the vicinity were upon me (except for Rhonda’s), and coffee was being refilled faster than ever.

“Same diner, back home, you know. And… well… I… I guess I was bored, and I started paying attention. I’m a linguistics major. Well, I was. Language development, and all that. I was reading Chomsky… you know, our capacity to recognize syntax, nonverbal communication, and-”

“Blow that!” It was a burly chain-wearing Slam with long black hair and Native American features. He was mouth criticizing the 3rd edition rules of D&D while addressing me with his eyes. It was a strain to pay attention to one and ignore the other. I took another shaky sip of coffee. “Don’t you read real books?” he asked. He was holding up something called “Icewind” and gesturing contempuously at my linguistics text.

“Shut your cornhole, dill weed.” Foulmouth again. Debating the merits of the original Dungeon and Dragons, he eyespoke “I don’t give a rat’s ass what he reads. He’s a Normal.” He was really starting to piss me off, scared as I was. “You. Abnormal. Finish what you were saying.”

My reply was stiff. “I observed. I payed attention. Or didn’t you see what I said the first time?”

His face darkened. “So you learned how to eyespeak. How did you know the time? How did you know the time that we meet here?”

No harm in telling him. “It wasn’t hard. I oversaw one of you talking about visiting friends. He said where and when. I’ve been a little of everywhere. The time’s not important. If you wait long enough, late enough, you guys show up eventually. It’s not rocket science.”

The girl laughed. Foulmouth wasn’t pleased at that remark for some reason of his own. I thought of weather balloons.

There was silence. The mouth speak continued. But the eyes were silent. It seemed to go on interminably. I couldn’t make my hands stop shaking. I tried to load a pipe. I knew that I was either in for serious trouble or else about to be initiated into the deeper, hopefully pleasant mysteries of Slam life on earth. I managed to actually get a bowl badly lit and squeeze out a few puffs. That helped to steady my hands, and I took another sip of coffee. It wouldn’t do to misunderstand anything they might say next.

That’s when I noticed that a few hands were blocking my view of eyes here and there. A few quick words. Brief, careful answers. Some message was spreading quickly from face to face. I couldn’t catch a glimpse. It was too brief to be a debate, an argument. There seemed to be a fast growing consensus. A short, clear signal of what to do next. I saw an unpleasant grin appear on Foulmoth’s giant lips. If they had intended to welcome me as one of their own, or at least as a friend, it wouldn’t be like this. My hands were trembling again, so the mug in my hand was shaking when Rhonda approached to refill my coffee. That’s when I knew what I had to do.

She smiled. “A warm up?”

I nodded. She poured, and that’s when I tipped over the mug.

“Oh! Did it burn you?”

“No, no! I’ll clean it up though!” I was sliding out of the booth.

“That’s all right, honey, I’ll get it-”

“No, really! It’s my spill. Let me get some napkins off the counter!” I made her stagger with the pot as I pushed past her, and she spilled more coffee, right onto Foulmouth. I couldn’t have asked for a better break. Foulmouth was trying to stand and only succeeded in getting burned worse as he knocked the pot from the waitress’ hand, and she tumbled squealing into the aisle. I was already past the counter and throwing open the glass door, leaving Chomsky still propped in my booth with a smouldering pipe, an unpaid bill (I’ve regretted this ever since), and a mess of spilled java.

They chased me for a while, but either they’re congenitally slow of foot or else I’m in better shape than I thought. The wagon was two blocks away, but I didn’t run right for it, thinking that losing them in the car lot and hotel district was best for starters. It was unnecessary. They couldn’t catch me. But I’m glad they don’t know what I drive. When I realized they might come after me in cars, I ran straight for mine and didn’t look back.

That was five and half months ago. And I’ve been everywhere. Knoxville. Little Rock. Shreveport. Vicksburg. OK, well, not everywhere. I’ve used most of the rest of my school money. I keep moving. Word is out now. No more of those diners, that’s for sure. I’m entrenched in a donut shop with today’s paper and a notebook. I’m writing it all down, in case…

They’re here, too. Same ad, different town. The Personals:

Chomsky. You misunderstood. We want

to be friends. Don’t be afraid. Give us

a chance. Guaranteed safe conduct.

We only have eyes for you. Box 11273.

But I have hope. On page six, a report from the Associated Press. The FAA has admitted that widespread sitings by airline pilots of high-flying weather balloons ascending above the atmosphere are under investigation. On the Financial page, a major coffee label, once as much an institution as Christmas, is filing bankruptcy. In the business section, a certain 24-hour diner chain is changing the name of a menu item that has been the favorite for a quarter of a century. A spokesperson for the chain said, “We’re updating our menu with fresh language… among those items is the “Panhandle Slam”.

It may be that I’ve set in motion an extraterrestrial exodus and ruined mankind’s chances for alien contact once and for all. And maybe I won’t ever enjoy a decent cup of coffee again. But at least, some day soon, I won’t have to listen to whose cleric-rogue can beat which paladin. I think, even when it’s safe, I wont’ go back to school. I’ve learned just about all I care to learn about nonverbal communication.

Entire contents copyright  2003-2007 Asher Black.

Higher Education – a sham within a scam within a waste of time

I’ve attended a college and four universities, and have degrees from three of them. My experience with what is called education in the US is that it’s largely a wasteland of pretense, control, and pseudo-education consisting roughly of more terminology, illicitly borrowed references from other people’s work, and advancement by fakery. There are few institutions for which I have less respect – corporate life in general, religious life in general, and public education altogether, than “higher education”.

In the college where I had my first experience, a science intructor stood at the front of the class and made the absurd claim that “Einstein’s theory of relativity tells us that whatever power controls the universe, whether you call it God or whatever, one day we will be able to harness that power”. When I questioned whether this was in fact what Einstein’s theory says at all, and whether what we were hearing was science at all, not only was questioning the enthralled class highly unpopular, but the only other man in the class threatened me with violence, the women all vacated the room and refused to return, and the administration arrived on the scene and tried to blame me for the class’ feelings of fear. Of course, I calmly explained that I’d be happy to involve an attorney, and we could go over exactly what happened in a public venue. This is how I knew Science would be a waste of my time.

At the same college, it was common place to decide that someone who’d never taught or studied a subject in his life could teach it, because after all, it’s all just ‘material’. So they’d throw an adjunct in psychology up suddenly to teach a full class on philosophy because, after all, aren’t they pretty similar? My first philosophy teacher read off a list of the philosophers from the syllabus on day one, and mispronounced roughly a third of them. It was the first time she’d ever encountered those names, of course. I made the mistake of correcting her, and the response was “who’s the teacher?” Apparently not desk-r-tez. When, at her suggestion, I tried to drop the class, they told me I couldn’t drop, I could only withdraw. I think it was something like’d they’d started the class two weeks late, having been unable to find an instructor. Again, I had to suggest we make it a legal issue and address the competence of the instructor in the subject matter. I managed to escape still interested in Philosophy.

Again, at the same college, I was awarded an A on a history book report, the grades were handed out to us to see, and then back to the instructor to record. When I received my paper for keeps, the A had been marked out and B added. The instructor had decided that he didn’t like the book I reviewed. When he’d approved it, he thought he was approving a different book with one word different in the title. I was actually proud of his stupidity, and kept both marks without challenging the change. I think that’s why one of the degrees I acquired was in History. When people are willing to punish you for accessing information they don’t like, you take pride in it.

Lastly, in English literature, we were told that *any* interpretation was valid if you could defend it. So I advanced a rather novel theory that Shakespeare’s ideas were influenced by Puritanism, and so accounted for much that occurs in his plays. The class and instructor found this so intriguing that she set the entire class upon the topic, asking me to defend the thesis. I successfully defended it against all comers, and earned an A in the class, clearly foremost among all participants. However, toward the end of the class, as we had moved past Shakespeare, I announced that I had continued doing research, and no longer held to my theory, because of some additional analysis I’d done. The analysis was not requested, but my standing grades were reversed, and I received a C in the class. Instead of being lauded for pursuing the subject with intellectual integrity, I was punished, and told that I’d “made up” the theory, and that I’d wasted the class’ time on something that “wasn’t true”. Since I had changed my thinking, I was told, they could change my grade. In fact, I was given to understand that an “F” for the class had been considered, but they were being merciful. This is how I decided not to be a Literature major.

There were good, useful, and helpful classes during this time, also. You might wonder that I didn’t quit. I have a remarkable tendency to keep pounding away at things when they’re difficult, unjust, and fruitless. Probably a result of surviving my childhood. But certain instructors encouraged me and gave me life-changing information. So that certainly made it easier, and I kept the ideal of education alive.

I started at a university studying special education, and made it pretty far. At one point, though, the most respected faculty member, and certainly the most rigorous, made the statement that “the special ed teacher lives in a world of deprivation”. He went on to explain the relatively short cycle of people staying in the profession – from graduation to burnout. And I knew that it was no longer for me. More deprivation was not what I was seeking. I switched to History and academics shortly thereafter.

One of the universities I attended (and got a degree from) was a traditionally black university. The campus was dominated by an instructor who treated himself like the Phil Donahue of black studies. His courses were required. He started classes talking about threats he received from the Klan. The garbage put forth in those classes was unparalleled. The worst kind of pseudo-scholarship. We had class discussions on whether Adam and Eve were black, and about lost cities of advanced stature, hidden from history by the white man. When I complained to the administration, the adminstrator of the college talked to me of underwater cities built by technologically advanced, ancient black people. A colleague and I were so taken aback by this silliness, that we went so far as to contact a naval base and ask what research had been done on this. The researcher who posed the question to her colleagues was so embarrassed by the response (basically, ‘are you nuts?’) that we were asked not to send any further research questions. It was worth it to be thorough in ruling out the insanity. Recordings of that conversation and those classes still exist. I decided the only way to do history, which was my degree program at the time, was to do an expose of the sources of such nonsense and the truth in refutation of those claims. That’s exactly what I did, discovering that some of their primary “research sources” which they sold in the unofficial campus ‘world studies’ bookstore, included texts dictated by magical apparations (C.F. Volney’s Ruins of Empires, for instance). Needless to say my popularity with the core instructor shlepping out that hooey and his wide following among the student body was nil – there were death threats. I was told if there were any violent incidents of ‘black rage’ in response to my inquries, I would be held accountable. I had to go armed to class a few times, because really there was no other choice. Walking to my car required an escort once or twice, and that was just for asking questions about whether any of this stuff was really history.That experience was one of the reasons I decided not to take a teaching credential along with history – staying another year just wasn’t worth it – but I decided to go to graduate school instead.

Again, as an undergraduate, I had some classes that were really worthwhile. I wish the people claiming Moses was a black man would have taken them, though I gathered from their lack of interest in real research, they would have found them quite difficult to pass. Enough people did who weren’t absorbed in UFO versions of history. In fact, though, a couple of those instructors really ensured that I got an education – something that wouldn’t happen again. I studied philosophy and history and historiography with them and it was what sustained me while dealing with magic and mythology in my “black studies” classes – if you can call them classes. They were more like rampant morning talk shows with lots of calling everyone and everything racist, and lots of esoteric ‘secret knowledge’ that couldn’t, apparently, stand the light of scrutiny. Pamphlets disguised as textbooks, a cult-like preacher of insanity disguised as an instructor, and docile, bewildered, indoctrinated administration unable to tell scholarship from kooky versions of theosophy adapted from nazi sources for use, ironically in an afrocentric program of credit-bestowing, degree-granting nonsense. How many people got their credentials, and still do, in such an environment? It’s one of the main reasons that neither grades nor degrees impress me at all, or represent achievement to me at all. Whether it’s this, or harnassing the power of “god”, or studying ‘desk-r-tez’.

My first experience with graduate school involved the fact that it was on a campus that also offered undergraduate “education”. I decided to study a foreign language, which put me among mostly under-grads. The instructor was … wow. One time I broke ranks and gave a more involved (in the other language) response to his greeting (instead of just being the 20th person to repeat the same thing), and he publicly dressed me down for it – for weeks, every class – I became his running example of the unacceptable – I had done more than was required. Then I discovered that a couple of the instructors in the department were extremely antagonistic toward my religion, which they associated with an ethnicity they didn’t like. I know this because one of them stood in the hallway telling me in animated terms of her “hatred” (yes, she used the word repeatedly) for my faith and that ethnic group. After being made a public ‘example’ of, on an ongoing basis in the language class and even at international student functions, I found myself before the administration again, when I complained and asked to drop mid-semester (it took me a while to realize what psychopaths these were). They threatened to expel me, of course, and I did the usual – I offered to have my attorneys represent me as we went through the process, while our team did research on the sources of ethnic and religious discrimination among the faculty. I was allowed to drop.

I took a special seminar, or was awarded entrance to it, because it was competitive and not everyone was allowed to participate. My credentials were good, and I wasn’t yet known there as a troublemaker. I remember that I was making a point using nanotechnology as a reference in 1996 and, to the amusement of the class, a colleague said I’d been reading too much sci-fi – that nanotechnology didn’t exist. When I pointed out that the nanotech program at M.I.T. had just a few years before graduated it’s first PhD. in the topic, they were unphased. When I pointed out that Scientific American and public affairs journals were running articles on this all the time, my colleagues advised me that not everything in print is true. What I quickly realized is that a thing is not true among academics unless they have heard of it directly from someone they regard as an authority figure. Each of those people now, for some reason, understand that nanotechnology is and has been and was then) a serious branch of science. But I was a kook because, while I didn’t believe in “black Atlantis” I had access to information they hadn’t been spoon-fed. It was a useful lesson in what academia really is, and how it works. Offers to march them to the library and let them choose any sources they wanted from a bibliography search had no impact. A thing could not be real unless a professor told you it was real. And if a professor told you something completely made up, you were a kook if you didn’t believe it.

I could remember a former friend of mine who once said to me, that something “is not true, because it would be too important if it were. And if it were important, my instructors in school would have told me about it.” I could remember a family member who told me that something (some technological information) is something I don’t know because “I work in this field, I know more than you, and I don’t know it – therefore you don’t know it.” I was seeing that these attitudes were not isolated – they were the norm. It was just a year before, in undergraduate life, that a friend of mine was given an assignment to write about three leaders and what they had in common. He chose three heads of state. His “A” was marked out and a “B” put in its place because he had used examples that weren’t in the textbook. The instructor wrote on the cover of his essay that he had “brought in outside sources”. He was warned that if he continued to do so, he would forfeit his entire grade and possibly be removed from the class. A society of academics we founded – in secret, because genuine academics were persecuted – gave the instructor an award for that one. The Latin on the certificate, slid under the door, and proudly displayed for some time by the instructor, said “with his arse, he made a trumpet”. It was the least we could do.

Graduate school was less of a zoo, but still utterly pathetic. Right away, the teaching assistants – which were the plum positions to get as a grad student – informed me that the way to survive was do the instructors’ research for them, never color outside the lines – follow the wide path – don’t strike out on your own and do controversial or new research. Especially, don’t do any research that embarrasses any faculty, or meets with disapproval by anyone, because you might need them on your dissertation committee. When I asked what I could expect in return, I was told a faculty position, after graduation, at some rural college for some years. That’s the best I could hope for, because degrees were plentiful and relevant jobs few. I knew at that moment, I was not cut out for the field, but I stuck with it a while. The other avenue of course was CIA recruitment on campus. They always had some well-placed teachers to spot prospects and you could get in pretty easily if you spoke enough of the right languages. Of course, you had to be OK with invading other countries and bombing villages.

I found that, in grad seminars, as I asked questions about all the built in assumptions I was seeing, how in everything something was assumed that hadn’t been established at all, people found it strange and alien. One professor suggested I pursue a degree in Divinity somewhere, because I was interested in first things. But, he said, we have to assume a lot of things in order to do what we do, otherwise we can’t do it. I found that odd, that the goal of being academic was more important than whether or not any of it were actually real. I began to realize that academia is not where I belonged, either. It was one thing to stomach a constant ration of academic politics that punish brilliance (deviance) and reward mediocrity – or even to stomach it in exchange for a crappy job that no one wants – but to do it and not even believe in the crap you’re dealing is just too much.

I travelled and worked instead. I flirted with library science most briefly, as a return to grad school, but I was making money without academia – it seemed that I didn’t need them. I later returned and got a grad degree through distance learning – at least I didn’t have to deal with some of the nutjobs and the stupid, useless administration. That’s where it really was driven home how much plagiarism is traded for grades and credentials. I’d say 50% of the student work I saw being passed through the system was not only plagiarized, but quite demonstrably so. I know – I put together a report on it, with documented examples – and the university basically just shrugged and said it can’t follow up on every case – which means it wasn’t going to follow up on any of them. I took my degree, and I know I did 100% real work to earn it, but effectively I regard it as a scrap of paper. I was bound for corporate life, and if corporations wanted to pay more for it, I’d hand in that ticket. It’s a deal corporations make with academia – not to produce something of substance – just to produce something that excuses the corporation when failures occur, and gives the illusion of qualifications, due diligence, and a basis for hiring, advancement, salary levels, etc. It’s all an illusion, just like those underwater cities.

When I knew I’d be leaving corporate life, I realized that the degrees I have aren’t tickets to anything outside of corporate life. Nothing. This further reinforced my understanding of degrees as mere corporate passes. You get the stamp, you get it punched, and you get a slot as a cog in an engine. And if you’re OK with that, and that’s one of the major goals in your life, you might as well plagiarize, right? If that were my goal, I never would have set foot on a campus. Distance learning isn’t new – it’s been around since the sixties – accredited degrees, I’m talking about. Paying for the fake ones when you can just fake your way through school and get government to subsidize it is stupid. You see, it’s a collaboration between government, academia, and corporations. It’s the entire apparatus at work in the “education” business – which has, as its end, not education but placement. It is the societal engine for placing people in the slots most useful to sustaining the existing machinery. If you saw City of Ember and thought it was far-fetched – no – that’s exactly how we work already. And it might as well be run by Bill Murray’s character – it is that absurd.

People that know me consider me an ‘educated’ person. I’ve got a library of 15,000 books. A lot of people consider me “well-read”, which should account for my brilliance. Actually, though, I haven’t read them all, but I can summarize the thesis, or offer rough excerpts from most of them. I know that’s not the same as real education, because I know educated people. People who, like Will in Good Will Hunting, did their own research. After a couple of decades in academic pursuits, I look up at the certificates on my walls, and they don’t mean anything to me. I don’t find it tragic to think so. I do find it tragic that anyone wastes so much effort and endures so much insanity and receives very little intrinsic value. I value a few of the instructors and a few of the classes. But those instructors would, in most cases, have given me my education without attending college. I liken the experience of a college and four universities, most closely, to being a member of a succession of religious cults. The shady and dishonest pastor characters are there. The lackeys and opportunists fill the student body. The adminstration are making their living off of an institution that hoodwinks people. The thing has special tax status. And membership conveys a certain respectability in circles that can help you “advance”, if you’re willing to be or become what they are ‘advancing’ you to.

In short, I put the education I pursued in the same category in which I put most of the dating I did as a young man, and most of the religious groups I joined. It was all a colossal waste of time, money, and attention designed to siphon off brilliance and creativity and divert it to activities of dissipation. Moreover, I have about as little respect for academic institutions in general as I do for most of the girls I dated (a lot of them were just contemptible human beings) and the religious groups I participated in (sham artists, in some degree, all of them). You can add to that my participation in politics (same issues) and corporate life (the worst – the meaning, end, outcome, and intent of most of those ‘relationships’, religious endeavours, and political activities, as well as ‘education’). I fault my parents for not preparing me better. They were cogs in the machine, and they raised me to be a cog. It just didn’t take, and it took a very long time to unlearn all the things you absorb at a vulnerable age. I have unlearned most of them and that education, not the pseudo-education of the universities, colleges, and schools, is the one that has been most valuable to me in my life. Maybe i have 60% plus of my life left – more I hope – to really make use of unlearning, and the new things I’ve learned and am learning, but I think it’s better than finding out later than that. I notice people who know it’s a sham late in life, and won’t turn to get off the train, because they’ve got so much invested in it and think it’s too late. I don’t dismiss that – I understand it – but I agree with Ayn Rand that it’s never too late to turn from what isn’t life to what is – you start from where you are – and what you have left is yours, not theirs. By God’s mercy, I’ve been granted a reprieve while I still have some life left, and ideally quite a bit. Even one breath of life, after all that non-life though, is worth it. Completely worth it

When my office moves, the degrees will go in a file, and not back up on the wall. Who knows, maybe they’ll have some kind of advertising pseudo value for the deluded somewhere down the road, but I doubt it. I’ll be retiring them the same way I’ve retired the resume, and for the same reasons. The same reason I quit dating when I was younger. The same reason my relationship with religion is cautious – genuine – but cautious. My identity is not wrapped up in these things anymore. My Faith is good, when it’s good, and I don’t go near it when it’s not being good. I’m out of the relationship circuit. I work for myself. And, as I said, a degree has no real value in most cases if you do that – only when you need it to get a license, and my profession doesn’t bother with licensing yet, though like everything else, I’m sure they’ll probably do that in the future. We’re mostly rogues, renegades, and free agents in the meantime. You get less quality out of some, but we get left alone mostly, too.

So that’s it. That’s what I have to say about ‘higher education’, or what passes for it.

Sixteen Lights

Asher Black - Sixteen Lights - Black Asher Series

Black Asher series #5

It seemed to Asher that his beloved’s eyes were still thoughtful. “I don’t need you.” They said. It was a kind of cool understanding between them. Seneca prowled among the chairs, along the corridors, and out along the stone wall, intent on learning the mind of butterflies, and Asher filled the dish every night, “just to supplement your diet” he would say, with a nod to her pride.

Asher Black - Sixteen Lights - Black Asher Series

Asher wasn’t repelled that her skin was now cold. Family isn’t put off my fevers or chills, by the soil of life or even the loss of it. We live with one another in the thick of life’s spasms and detritus, in the thrall of death, and we hold to one another, while we take turns swatting at the dark. These were the thoughts coming like steam and rumbling off of the back part of Asher’s mind. The front of his thoughts was a wail of agony. “I am darker than the dark,” Asher tried to say, “and you stayed with me and fought it.” But it came out sobs, and not as words at all.

That morning the stump held a flower – where normally Asher laid a bowl of milk each night. Not for Seneca, but for whatever it was that watched over the Haunt. It was as if his quiet woods guardian were saying, “I know she’s dead. I know you love her. I don’t know what happened, and I would have stopped it, if I could.” And yet, Seneca had died in her chair – her chair – the one no one else could use, because it was solely hers – and he hadn’t taken her outside until now. How could the Gruagach have known? Unless it always was just the housekeeper. But Asher knew it wasn’t. She was too in awe of it for that.

The whole place, in fact, had the cloud of loss over it. It was like Auden. What did he say? “Pack up the moon. Take down the sun. They’re not wanted now. Stop the clocks…” Asher had done just that. He’d walked over, without thinking, still almost in shock, and had turned the key and stopped the swinging of the pendulum on the grandfather clock. In his younger years, it had been a grandmother clock, and Asher, when realizing this, decided he’d been gyped by the distributor and had it re-outfitted to make it a grandfather. The complaint department didn’t seem to like the word gyped, but Asher informed them that gypsies weren’t Romani, who were ordinarily wonderful folk, but were in fact people in call centers who answered phones for corporations and then explained away defects and scams with platitudes and pretended offenses, and kept checking orders in computers, only to find the same information each time, as a pretext for repeating it. “I’ll handle it, myself,” Asher had said.

All of Asher’s real companions were male, except one. The housekeeper didn’t count that way; she had her own house. And even Seneca, though showing up on her own and being quite apparently female, if one looked, was given a name that seemed more suitable. Asher almost called her Sand, except the cat would wander off when he started reciting poetry or singing, so he’d decided she was more suited to Roman drama than french novels. None of Asher’s guests ever seemed to notice. Well, except for the one who was not a male, who immediately asked “Why?” and made Asher blush, something he would never otherwise consent to do.

Asher’s thoughts were a retrospective of life’s ordinary things, as he dug the grave. Others had offered. “My own hands,” he’d said, and they hadn’t offered anything further. They would come when he was done. They would come and stand with him, when the hole was covered over. The earth was full of worms and roots and moisture, and so Asher made it larger, large enough for a crate. He hadn’t prepared, wasn’t particularly good at preparations when things were this immediate. He moved on something like instinct. If it had been anything else – if he had his mind – he would describe it as moving on emotions – something he only did when he wrote and when he made love. But Asher wasn’t really thinking. His thoughts were all like embers flying out of a dim but crackling fire. They were the random expulsions of grief, and glowing for a moment, and gone again, as he tried to place his insides in order to account for a reality too painful to accept.

“My darling. My baby. My child.” he said aloud. The air was slightly smoky, and here and there a brown leaf fell from a tree. The edge of Autumn. The edge of a precipice. The grave. Asher let the sweat run along his hair and into his eyes. He let the air and the moisture make him cold. It was better than warmth where there was no life. And when he had finished digging, he lifted Seneca. ‘Fallen comrade’ his mind said, and he wept. He carried her to the shop he’d made in the shed out back. He laid her in a wine crate – the best one – the best wine in his life. Then he despaired of what to bury with her. ‘What would she like?’, he asked in his mind. He shook violently, and sobbed, and wept, and wailed long and loudly.

After walking along the rock wall, looking at what might make her curious, he found it. A moth that had died somehow on the stones. He took that, and some blades of grass, and then thought ‘No ball of string for you. You were always fascinated, are always fascinated, by things that are real.’ So he took a piece of the wall that had fallen, and a new fallen leaf, and gathered the flowers that grew on their own, without attention, as Seneca had, and all of these things he laid with her in the case. Then he said prayers, long and many, and sealed the lid and chiseled a cross on it gently, patiently, as quietly as he could, before carrying her to her final spot to rest.

“You were never really mine,” he said, as he smoothed over the mound. “But I was yours. I think we belonged to each other.”

There would be a headstone in a few days. Asher would hound the stone cutter until it was in place. Besides, he owed Asher more than one favor.

#

“I’m not good company, yet.” Asher said. “I know it’s been weeks. I’m just not going to be all right.”

“I’m not leaving,” said Toade.

“And if he tried to leave, I’d eat him,” said Frost.

Vyse said, “You don’t have to be all right. You’re Asher.”

At that, Toade started to laugh, sort of hesitantly, and looking at Asher to be sure it wouldn’t hurt. But Asher smiled, so Toade grinned, and that got everyone laughing.

“That’s the first time I’ve laughed without crying.” Asher stoked the fire, to keep the heat high. Always high. It was the way Asher did everything: strong, dark, hot, cold, bright, loud.

Frost watched with something like happiness. “You’ll never be over it, Asher. We don’t expect you to be. Grieve, darling. Let it have you. And we’ll stay here, so you know that we have you too.” She winked when she said it. She almost never winked, and Asher tried not to blush, looking a little nervously at Vyse and Toade. Vyse was knocking a pipe, but Toade was watching Asher’s face and grinned even wider.

“So what shall we do?” Asher made himself say. It was too much to ask that they reach for life. To ask that it not all be the black sun that hung overhead, but that somehow there be new life. He was looking at an empty chair that sat, where it always had, near the fire. He smiled at it.

“Well, I think we should go for a walk in the woods.” said Frost.

“The woods. I hadn’t thought of that.”

“The woods? Well, it’s after dark, there’s no moon, and the wind is making everything creak. I was afraid you were going to say that.” Toade leaned back, like he did when he was going to let his belly do the laughing.

“This is going to take more than a pipe,” said Vyse, clipping a cigar that appeared from a jacket that Asher knew contained enough tobacco to sponsor a prison riot.

Toade had started to laugh the slow, boisterous gotcha laugh that was his trademark.

“Well, you don’t have to go, if you’d rather stay,” Asher said. “But I think I will. The woods are full of life.”

Toade’s eyes went a little ominous. “So you’ve said.” But he rand his finger and thumb along the brim of his hat, reached for his leather coat, and began reciting one of Asher’s lesser known stories in a cartoon voice – specifically a riske piece about a girl who goes alone into the forest to find love.

Frost laughed in delight, and Asher lunged for Toade, trying to cover his mouth, but Toade threatened to stick out his tongue, so Asher relented.

To Vyse’s quizzical expression, Toade said, “We’ll have to get Asher to read it to you some time. He’s really proud of that piece. Awwww.” This got the two of them in a wrestling match, which Toade won by being willing to hump Asher’s leg until he relented. “Toooaaddddd!” he croaked.

“Well, should I leave you gentleman to work out your affections?” Frost asked. “We can go to the woods another night.” The comment was categorically ignored, in favor of choosing the most interesting walking sticks near the door. Vyse decided he would go if, for no other reason, there was a straight, silver-tipped black cane that he wouldn’t otherwise have a reason to borrow.

#

“I could swear that’s him,” Asher exlaimed, trying to keep his voice low. “He just moves the same.”

“He’s probably a wild stray.” Toade said.

“She,” Frost reminded.

Asher wanted to turn and say, ‘You know very well that there’s only one woman that can live here.’ but he didn’t verbally acknowledge that even to Frost. She knew, of course, but that didn’t mean he was going to verbally acknowledge it. Not unless she won this confession fair and square in one of their witty arguments. ‘You have to take it. I’m not giving it up freely.’ he thought. What he said was, “If you say so.” knowing he would get out of it for now.

Vyse had never actually lit the cigar, but he kept it in his mouth anyway, waiting for someone to make up their mind.

“I’m going after her.” Asher said.

Frost chuckled delightedly.

“Him, dammit. I mean him.” And Asher’s intention, once an intention, was always a movement. He was already brushing aside limbs and moving like a rolling boulder down the hint of a path that probably wasn’t really a path in the sense of normal foot travel, but was just the route the rainwater had tended to take for a few seasons.

Vyse cursed, and said something about more wine. Toade seemed bent on keeping Asher in sight, but was also independently thrilled at the prospect of a game-like hunt. Frost, Asher knew, would find her own way and most likely be ahead of them shortly, with fewer scratches.

But after a few minutes, it was clear they weren’t following anything that was staying around to be followed, and despite having come through one valley and up out of another, they were not walking through the woods, but crashing through it. Not Asher’s usual style, certainly not Vyse’s, and even Toade was pretty sure there was no longer any object in running up the next hill.

Frost sat on a stone shelf a little ways above them, swinging her legs and looking at her unmarked knees, as thought they were bare (they weren’t) and she were a schoolgirl who had simply paused on her walk toward home.

“Well, do we go for our walk, or go back? I’m up for either.” Asher said.

Toade was about to speak when Vyse said, “Ask them.”

Eyes. And he meant “them” not because there were a pair, but many pairs.

Toade stiffened. They’d caught up with something after all. Or been lured by something. Several somethings.

Asher knew Toade was choosing to be motionless rather than get a full view. He didn’t know how he knew. He just knew. “Be still,” Asher said.

“How many are there?” asked Toade.

“What is cardinal, composite, and square,” asked Vyse?

“What?” Asher said, almost annoyed. “Still. Let me concentrate.”

“Sixteen,” Frost whispered. “He means sixteen. Eyes, not … ”

“They’re cats.” said Asher in a firm, loud voice. It was the kind of commanding, somewhat defiant voice he used after sizing up a possible opponent.

“Maybe the cat’s revenge on curiosity,” said Vyse.

“Cats eat toads,” said Toade.

“Just cats,” said Frost. “Hello brothers.”

“Sisters,” whispered Asher. He wasn’t going to miss a beat struggling with Frost. “Leave them be,” he said in the same voice as before. “They’re just cats, and we’re probably scaring the hell out of them.” Of course, he wasn’t ordering anyone around, and no one took it that way. But it suddenly made him feel a little self-conscious. “Weird, isn’t it?” he said in his normal voice.

“Creepy,” Toade said in the cartoon voice. Then he went one better and laughed his best eerie, ghoul-laugh.

Frost laughed.

Vyse said, “I’m glad everyone’s enjoying it. It’s so much better than walking down the ROAD.”

Asher laughed too, but was caught short when all the little lights went out. “Now THAT is CREEPY.” He laughed again, “If I were laughed at, I’d do the same thing, just for effect.”

They waited another moment. “Well, show’s over, it seems,” Vyse said. “Last one back to the Haunt gets to herd the little buggers.”

But they didn’t run, and they weren’t really afraid of anything. It was just what Toade and Asher had said it was. Creepy.

Frost was there first, again. She was standing by Seneca’s grave marker. The grave was undisturbed. “In case anyone was expecting the obvious,” she said.

Asher shook a little, and held himself, as the other stood solemnly by. “I’ll be with you forever,” he said. “No goodbyes, no matter what people may think.”

He didn’t mean his friends, but still Vyse said, “As long as there is anything.” and Toade added, “Amen.”

Frost didn’t speak. Asher knew already, and she knew, that they were of like mind when it came to living creatures. “They think, they feel, they want, they get lonely, they get depressed.” she had once said. “If that’s not a soul, then I don’t have a soul either.” Or maybe Asher had added that last part. He wasn’t sure.

“You know,” Vyse said, as they walked back toward the Haunt. “I’m already nuts. UFOs. The Kennedy Assassination. That’s small time, with me. So ghost cats? Well, it’ll just make for an excellent entry in the Cryptozoological Journal.”

“Watch it,” Asher said, “They take a dim view of comparing Bigfoots and Yetis to spirits from beyond.”

“Oh, there’s a small contingent.” said Vyse, smiling. “And you’re a writer, so your willing to stretch the ah… imagination too, sometimes.”

“So true.” said Asher.

Toede began reciting another passage from the embarrasing erotic coming of age tale Asher had once penned, but was caught up short by something on the back step. “Toad,” he said, “out of curiosity, rather than mischief.”

“Looks like someone has toaded us,” said Asher. There were eight bowls of milk on the step. Asher looked over at the stump, and he knew, without checking, that the bowl there was also full of milk. “My housekeeper.” But he also saw that there were flowers all around the bowl. And he knew, without counting them, there would be eight, and that the housekeeper hadn’t contributed that part of things.

“Keeping house a little late, I’d say,” Frost pronounced.

“No,” Asher responded thoughtfully. “She a house keeper. She keeps my house. Dusting it out once in a while, well, that’s probably just to give the fairies a chance to make more. She keeps my house from and for all kinds of things, it seems. Thank goodness. I wouldn’t know what to do with them all.”

“Haunt.” said Toade. “It’s Asher’s Haunt. A house just doesn’t explain it.”

“Oh, it’s a house of the oldest and best kind,” said Frost.

“I’ll have to talk to my housekeeper in the morning. She’ll fill me in on whether we’ve got a litter of ghost kittens, or whether Seneca’s living all eight of her other lives at once.”

“Where better?” asked Frost. “You’re a daddy again.”

“I’ll get you.”

“Huh?” asked Toede. Vyse just eyed Asher curiously.

“Oh. You know what I mean.” Asher answered.

Toede began to recite key turns of phrase from the more illicit parts of Asher’s embarrasing tale, dancing off, around the front of the house.

“Toad.” said Vyse, and smiled around a newly ignited cigar.

Frost smiled seductively.

“Indeed,” said Asher.

#

Asher wrote in large strokes. Normally, he’d use his little notebook computer, and write in front of the fire, but something about writing by hand seemed more appropriate to his mood. It was something older, more visceral. Keyboards have bold, italic, underline – but they don’t have the infinite variety that handwriting can convey, from the size and sweep of the letters, writ large and slowly, like a waltz, conveying his devotion and solemnity, to the dark, frenetic, almost madness of accomplishment his hand-scrawled notes displayed, when he could find them.

The housekeeper had come and gone. His friends and guest of the Haunt had taken their always temporary leaves, and all at once, to attend to matters that needed doing. Even Toede had gone back to his high-rise in the city, and he really only left for long stretches now and then, because too much proximity tends to make people grumpy if there’s not a break. They couldn’t live with him forever, could they?

“Well, some of us can.” said Frost.

“I wasn’t leaving you out.” said Asher.

“No. There’s the world, there’s your friends, who live a little out of sync with it, and then there’s me. I’m a friend, but…”

“Exactly,” said Asher. They had the same conversation many times, exchanging parts.

“What are you writing?”

“You’ll see when I’m ready.”

“I can look over your shoulder, easily enough, if I want.”

Asher grinned. Yes, but then I’ll be too…

“Messed up…”

“Creeped out!”

“Shaken to the bone?”

“Mur fl ug”

“I win.”

Asher grinned. “This time.”

“Finish your writing. I want you to read it to me soon.”

Asher sighed. He knew he wouldn’t be getting out of it. Not sure he wanted to, but it was just so… anyway.

#

The way we know we’re alive is that we feel things, and our bodies follow suit. Our hearts race, our lungs pump faster, our eyes well up. We know we’re alive, because who we are, and what we do is connected. And if we could verify this, as though it needed any other verification, it would be by our interactions with one another. It’s not only that I become sad, or you become delighted. It’s that I make you sad, or I make you delighted. And you do the same to me. And we know, we recognize in one another… life. Something shared. Something essential. It might be that it’s hard to see, when we look at our differences. You are a woman, and I’m a man. You’re there, and I’m here, and the distance is immense. Even if you and I aren’t the same species… don’t we make each other feel, and don’t those feelings make our bodies respond? Doesn’t it mean we live, that we recognize the capacity to deeply affect one another? Even plants can affect us – who hasn’t, lying on his back, stard up into a tall oak, and felt… lifted. Even inanimate objects? Who hasn’t stared into the field of stars, and known some measure of hope and curiosity. If a team of experts were standing by, with sophisticated instruments, they could tell me what I already know – that it makes me feel a certain way, and that my body is responding. Even beyond the grave, we know there is life. And how do we know? Because you’re gone, and yet… you still affect me. You still have power over me. And it’s reasonable then, to suppose, that I still affect you. And so, I talk to the dead. And I listen. I sing to my animals, the ones people call “pets”, and I let them penetrate the part of me that’s I leave open, so they can make me feel… human. I’m more of a person, because of them. And sometimes, if I seem to talk to thin air, any rational observer, if he had reasoned through all of this, would assume that I could be talking to anything and everything, and that this is much more likely than that I’m talking to nothing.

And so, sometimes people ask the writer of ghost stories if he believes in ghosts. How can I answer this? What is a ghost? Is it what some “believers” say it is – the residual signals of some life that lingers until disspipated by time? The trapped and disembodied soul, heartbroken and anguished, until some temporal concern is set right? No, I don’t believe in ghosts. Not if that’s what they are. I believe in things much more fully animated than ghosts, and much more full of life. I know, I know the skeptics would say that these are just the remains of my own affections – another way of saying it’s sentiment. But if these things that cause my feelings to be what they are, happy, sad, joyful, and bereaved all at once – so that I sometimes stumble for the pain, and sometimes laugh uncontrollably for the ecstasy – if these are “dead”, then isn’t a part of me just as dead? If so, then I’m the ghost. And so yes, then I believe in ghosts. I believe in ghouls, and creepies, and hauntings, and I so want to go on being haunted across the void. The best ghost stories are true stories, and the truest stories don’t necessarily contain all the details of our lives, but they contain the truths, which can be expressed sometimes more loudly in other details. I’m also sometimes asked if my stories are true? I never really understand that question. As opposed to what? I can’t see the point in writing lies. All my stories are true stories. I don’t pretend they’re necessarily very good. My only claim is that, if you can hear me, I’m telling you the truth.

So now, let me tell you a story of a time my friends and I took a walk in the woods . . .


Asher Black has been in stasis for a long journey, and has recently been awakened. To those who were discouraged by the lengthy pause in his writing and presence, he offers not apologies, nor even much of an explanation. Instead, he shows up with what those who wanted him have asked for. More work. Submitted for your approval, as Rod Serling likes to say. The other Black Asher stories can be read in the MYTHOLOG serial archives. MYTHOLOG is a quarterly literary publication of which Asher was the chief editor for five years. Some readers claim that Black Asher is an alter ego of Asher Black. Others say it’s an entirely different person. Some say it’s the same person, different circumstnance. And most just say it’s a fictional character. Asher has been stoic and silent about all these claims, saying only that he prefers to let the writing be what it is, whatever the audience may say about it. That’s Asher all right.

Entire Contents Copyright Asher Black, 2009. All Rights Reserved.

Serving as Keeper of the Rules

As two young men walked up, a couple of girls at the coffee shop said, “There are those two guys again. They’re going to keep coming around all the time, now. They think because we hung out the last three days with them, we’re their girlfriends now.”

Asher, who was fixing a PC on the spot for one of the girls (never leave a downed PC behind), responded “You ARE their girlfriends. Those are the rules. You hang out with them three times, and you’re their girlfriends.” When the girls protested, Asher added, “It doesn’t matter if you know the rules, like the rules, or agree with the rules. The rules work anyway. You’re their girlfriends, now.” They laughed and Asher smiled a long smile.