I’m about to commit heresy against two of the best icons on the net or anywhere for how stuff should be built. Why? Because they’re both farking it up.

First up: Firefox. I’ve got so many choice words for you stupid morons, that I’m going to just have to limit it to these: Firefox 3 is a bloated piece of crap. And your lackeys aren’t very convincing when they’re constantly trying to drown everyone out with “it’s sooo much faster”. Folks, Firefox 3 is not faster. If you’ve got 2, refuse to budge until they fix this piece of shit, or release a light version like even the idiots at Microsoft decided to pretend, with that garbage they’re calling Windows 7. No, Microsoft, you don’t merit your own paragraph. You can take shit as part of Firefox’s. And Firefox, yeah, you deserve having Microsoft in your arse, after turning your anti-IE browser into a Microsoft special.  Bloated garbage. It’s not faster in the real world. It’s faster in some iffy ideal millieu that doesn’t last, just like IE7. And yes, Firefox, I’ve done all the hacks to trim it down, though I should have to.  The only reason, folks, to go with Firefox 3 is if the only alternative is Microsoft Internet Explorer. They’re both garbage, but Microsoft’s is just worse. Insecure, non-standards-compliant, junk. Firefox? What crack were you smoking? And now… get this…. drumroll please for the most Microsoft-like asinine top-down behavior you could only expect from Redmond….. Firefox has removed all the version 2 downloads from its older version page, so you can’t get them there anymore. They’re trying to force you to stick where their shite. I’m thinking of starting a new rumor that Firefox was paid off by Bill Gates to shove their own heads of their arses. It sure as heck looks like it.

Next up: Google. Yes, I love them. I love them for who they are and what they do. Which is why Chrome confuses the hell out of me. It’s no bloat, all right. It won’t even handle an RSS feed. It has kludgy cache issues that force you to reload any google apps once a day, and my biggest gripe is that I can’t shit-can Firefox 3 and just switch to all Google. I don’t want them to have everything Firefox has – who needs to spend that much time in his own browsing history? That’s what google is for, Firefox – you dumbass. But I want a browser back. IE was crap from the beginning. Firefox was lovely until 3, and now they’ve joined the enemy. And Google… my friend… my gripe is you haven’t got us a truly sustainable alternative yet. Help! I’m willing to sign over large portions of my adult life to Googlized pursuits, if you’ll just rescue me from the ass clowns of software development. Hurry, it’s getting fugly out here.

And yes, Opera, I know you’re there. I’m tempted. It’s just that as far as I can tell, a bunch of shit doesn’t work in Opera. If I want non-standards-compliant, I can go back to Redmond. Is it fixed yet?